Death is a night that lies between two days--the day of life on earth and the day of eternal life in the world to come. That night may come suddenly, in the blink of an eye, or it may come gradually, with a slowly receding sun.
As the day of life is an interlude, so is the night of death an interlude. As the day inevitably proceeds to dusk, so does the darkness inevitably proceed to dawn. Each portion--the existence, and life, and death, and eternal life--is separated by a veil which human understanding cannot pierce.
Jewish Caregiving 101
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A person in the final days or hours of life is considered alive in
all respects. It is forbidden to bring on or hasten his death. Doing so
is considered shedding blood. Proper halachic guidance in this area is
extremely important, for these are very severe matters in Jewish law.
Before making any medical decisions, one should seek the advice of an
experienced rabbi who specializes in this area of Jewish law.
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When death is imminent, it is forbidden to touch or move the person,
except to provide life-saving medical intervention and/or to provide
water to drink.
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It is forbidden for the family to prepare for the funeral while the
person is still alive. (Writing a will and arranging for a plot, may be
done in advance.)
Jewish law deals with all aspects of life, including passing on. Following are laws and traditions regarding putting one's spiritual and material affairs in order.
Material Affairs
It is important to write a will under the guidance of a competent rabbi, even while one is perfectly healthy. If one is not capable of writing such a document, he may verbally instruct others to write down his wishes.
One should indicate:
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If he owes any money, or if money is owed to him.
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If he is guarding anything that someone deposited with him.
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How to dispose of his property and belongings.
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That his funeral and burial be in accordance with Jewish law.
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That his descendants should follow Jewish ways and traditions.
Spiritual Affairs
One should take stock of his spiritual state and commit to improve whatever he can. If his heart is full of repentance, even in the final second, he is given entrance to Heaven. As we find in the Mishna, "Anyone who confesses is guaranteed a place in the World to Come." Our sages have instituted a set of prayers called Viduy, Confession (see following chapter). This should be recited before one feels his final moments are approaching.
Between Two Worlds
The time between life and death is considered extremely sacred in Jewish tradition. On one hand, the passage marks the conclusion of the soul's journey on earth. On the other hand, death heralds the beginning of the soul's eternal life in Heaven.
Kabbalah teaches that at the moment of passing, every positive thought, word, or deed that occurred during the person's life is concentrated into a pristine spiritual light. This light is revealed to the world and in the Heavenly spheres, where it continues to shine and have an effect on those above and below.
Prayers for the Final Moments1) Psalm 121Hebrew and Transliteration:
Translation:A Song of Ascents.
I lift my eyes to the mountains -- from where will my help come?
My help will come from the Lord, Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot falter; your guardian does not slumber.
Indeed, the Guardian of Israel neither slumbers nor sleeps.
The Lord is your guardian; the Lord is your protective shade at your right hand.
The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
The Lord will guard you from all evil; He will guard your soul.
The Lord will guard your going and your coming from now and for all time.
2) Psalm 130Hebrew and Transliteration:
Translation:A Song of Ascents.
Out of the depths I call to You, O Lord.
My Lord, hearken to my voice; let Your ears be attentive to the voice of my pleas.
G-d, if You were to preserve iniquities, my Lord, Who could survive?
But forgiveness is with You, that You may be feared.
I hope in the Lord; my soul hopes, and I long for His word.
My soul yearns for the Lord more than [night] watchmen [waiting] for the morning, wait for the morning.
Israel, put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord there is kindness; with Him there is abounding deliverance.
And He will redeem Israel from all its iniquities.
3) Psalm 91Hebrew and Transliteration:
Translation:You Who dwells in the shelter of the Most High, Who abides in the shadow of the Omnipotent,
I say [to you] of the Lord Who is my refuge and my stronghold, my G-d in Whom I trust,
that He will save you from the ensnaring trap, from the destructive pestilence.
He will cover you with His pinions and you will find refuge under His wings; His truth is a shield and an armor.
You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day,
the pestilence that prowls in the darkness, nor the destruction that ravages at noon.
A thousand may fall at your [left] side, and ten thousand at your right, but it shall not reach you.
You need only look with your eyes, and you will see the retribution of the wicked.
Because you [have said,] "The Lord is my shelter," and you have made the Most High your haven,
no evil will befall you, no plague will come near your tent.
For He will instruct His angels in your behalf, to guard you in all your ways.
They will carry you in their hands, lest you hurt your foot on a rock.
You will tread upon the lion and the viper; you will trample upon the young lion and the serpent.
Because he desires Me, I will deliver him; I will fortify him for he knows My Name.
When he calls on Me, I will answer him; I am with him in distress, I will deliver him and honor him.
I will satisfy him with long life, and show him My deliverance.
4) Adon OlamHebrew and Transliteration:
Translation:Lord of the universe, Who reigned
before anything was created —
at the time when by His will all things were made,
then was His name proclaimed King.
And after all things shall cease to be,
the Awesome One will reign alone.
He was, He is,
and He shall be in glory.
He is one, and there is no other
to compare to Him, to consort with Him.
Without beginning, without end,
power and dominion belong to Him.
He is my G-d and my ever-living Redeemer,
the strength of my lot in time of distress.
He is my banner and my refuge,
my portion on the day I call.
Into His hand I entrust my spirit,
when I sleep and when I wake.
And with my soul, my body too,
the Lord is with me, I shall not fear.
5) Ana B'koachHebrew and Transliteration:
Translation:We implore you, by the great power of Your right hand, release the captive.
Accept the prayer of Your people; strengthen us, purify us, Awesome One.
Mighty One, we beseech You, guard as the apple of the eye those who seek Your Oneness.
Bless them, cleanse them; bestow upon them forever Your merciful righteousness.
Powerful, Holy One, in Your abounding goodness, guide Your congregation.
Only and Exalted One, turn to Your people who are mindful of Your holiness.
Accept our supplication and hear our cry, You Who knows secret thoughts.
Blessed be the name of the glory of His kingdom forever and ever.
6) V'al Ken Ne'kavehHebrew and Transliteration:
Translation:And therefore we hope to You, Lord our G-d, that we may speedily behold the splendor of Your might, to banish idolatry from the earth and false G-ds will be utterly destroyed; to perfect the world under the sovereignty of the Almighty. All mankind shall invoke Your Name, to turn to You all the wicked of the earth. Then all the inhabitants of the world will recognize and know that every knee should bend to You, every tongue should swear [by Your Name]. Before You, Lord our G-d, they will bow and prostrate themselves, and give honor to the glory of Your Name; and they will all take upon themselves the yoke of Your kingdom. May You soon reign over them forever and ever, for kingship is Yours, and to all eternity You will reign in glory, as it is written in Your Torah: The Lord will reign forever and ever. And it is said: The Lord shall be King over the entire earth; on that day the Lord shall be One and His Name One.
At the very last moments, all present, including the person himself (if possible), recite the following passages aloud, and with intense concentration:translation: Hear, O Israel, the Lord is our G-d, the Lord is One.
translation: Blessed be the name of the glory of His kingdom forever and ever. (Say three times.)
Recite the following verse in an undertone:
translation: G-d is the Lord. (Say seven times.)
Recite the following verse out loud:
translation: The Lord is King, the Lord was King, the Lord will be King forever and ever.
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Once death seems imminent, one should not leave the person alone, and those remaining should recite Psalms and pray for the recovery of the person.
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One should try to ensure that the person's spouse and children are
present at the moment of passing. However, only those who can contain
their grief should be in the room.
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If possible, there should be a minyan
(quorum of ten Jewish males over age thirteen) at the bedside to recite
Psalms. It is praiseworthy if the men present immersed in a mikvah
(ritual bath) that day. If the presence of a Minyan will frighten the
person (for it may indicate to him that death is imminent), the people
should stand off to the side or by the door.
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Those in the room should be careful not to wail or cry loudly. This
causes the person who is leaving the world great pain and discomfort and
prolongs his ordeal.
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It is customary not to stand at the foot or at the head of the bed during the person's passing.
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Before the person enters the throes of death, one should make sure
that the person's limbs are not extended or hanging off of the bed. If
they are, they should be moved back.
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Some kindle candles in the room, and place one candle near (but not too close to) the head of the bed.
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One may converse with the person if he expresses the desire. It is preferable to discuss Torah thoughts so that his soul departs while involved in holy matters.
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Once the person has entered the actual throes of death, it is
forbidden to move or touch him, as this may hasten his death; in the
eyes of Jewish law, it is considered like shedding blood. The exceptions
are providing life-saving intervention or water for the person to
drink.
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According to the Torah, a Kohen (descendants of Aaron,
the high-priest) is not permitted to come in contact with a deceased
body.
When death occurs, the bereaved family faces a very difficult time; but so does the deceased. According to the spiritual traditions of Judaism articulated in the Talmud and Kabbalah, the soul does not completely leave this world until after the burial. Thus, the period from death to interment is very bewildering for the soul, for it is in a vulnerable state of transition, disconnected from both the past and the future. The presence of others who, through their respect and prayers, show that they care, is very comforting to the soul, as the souls of the living provide a frame of reference for the soul of the newly departed.
Indeed, the fact that Jewish tradition treats the soul of the deceased as aware and as a real person, is in itself a comfort and help in this most difficult time for those who are close to him or her. To do things in a way comforting to the deceased is therefore comforting to those who care for him or her.
Immediately following the moment of death, G-d forbid, a series of practical and religious issues take effect. The key principles of all of them are: a) respect for the dignity and holiness of the body, the vessel for the soul and self of the departed; b) the expeditious return of the body to the earth from which it was formed; c) aiding and fortifying the soul in its continuing spiritual journey.
Laws and Rituals:
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"The True Judge" blessing. Those present at the time of death recite the blessing: Baruch Dayan Ha'emet -- "Blessed be the True Judge." (The full version of this blessing is customarily said at the keriah--the "rending of the garments"--during the funeral service.
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Covering the body. After death is definitely established, the
eyes and mouth of the deceased should be closed and a sheet or other
cover drawn over the person's face; there is a tradition for a child or
close relative to do this--if he or she can cope emotionally with it.
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Candles. The body of the deceased should then be placed on the floor, and candles should be lit near the deceased's head.
(When death occurs in the hospital, the above may not be practically possible; but all other customs should be observed. What cannot be done there should be done later at the funeral chapel.)
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Forgiveness. While lowering the body to the floor, forgiveness should be asked of the deceased.
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Psalms. After lighting the candles, Psalms should be recited, including Psalms 23, verse 17 of Psalm 90, and Psalm 91. (Click here for texts of these Psalms in Hebrew, transliteration and translation.)
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Arrange for the "Taharah."
The family's rabbi and the funeral home should be called at this
point--if it has not already been done. The funeral home should be
informed that a "taharah" will be needed.
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Dignity of the deceased. The human body is sacred, and its
integrity, privacy and dignity are vigilantly protected by Jewish law
and tradition. Also after the person has passed away, the body which was
the vessel and vehicle to the soul deserves our reverence and respect.
Anyone in the presence of the deceased should act with the same respect
and deference toward the deceased we would show for the person when
alive.
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Watching over the body. Where possible, there should always be someone with the body until the funeral. This is know as shemira
("honor guard"). Those according this honor to the deceased should
recite prayers or psalms during their "shift," as this brings comfort to
the soul of the deceased.
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No autopsy should be performed (except under special circumstances) and the body should not be embalmed, displayed or cremated
-- all of which are gross desecrations of the body's sanctity according
to Jewish law and tradition. (For further discussion see the following
section, Funeral and Burial, and
In Detail and
Readings.)
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The burial should take place as soon as possible, preferably on the very day of the passing, and should be delayed only for truly important reasons, as sanctioned by Torah law. (See In Detail.)
Initial Care of the Deceased
The principle governing the care of the body immediately following death is the sacredness of man. A human being is equated with a Torah scroll that was impaired and can no longer be used at religious services. While the ancient scroll no longer serves any useful ritual purpose, it is revered for the exalted function it once filled. Man was created in the image of God and, although the pulse of life is no more, the human form must be respected for having once embodied the spirit of God, and for the character and the personality it housed. The manner of respect is governed and detailed by religious tradition rather than by personal sentiment and whim alone. The following are some of the basic guidelines for the care of the deceased at the time of death
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During the last minutes of life no one in the presence of the
deceased may leave, excepting those whose emotions are uncontrollable,
or the physically ill. It is a matter of the greatest respect to watch
over a person as he passes from this world on to the next.
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After death has been ascertained, the eyes and the mouth of the
deceased must be closed, either by the children or friends or relatives,
and a sheet should be drawn over his face.
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While it has been a custom for many years to rend the clothes and
recite the blessing of the "True Judge" at the time of death, it is now
customary to do this at the funeral service. At that time all the
relatives are assembled, the rabbi supervises the correct manner of
rending the clothing, and leads in the correct recital of the blessings.
The details of the rending may be found in a separate chapter below.
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The position of the body should be so oriented that the feet face the
doorway. Other than this, the deceased should not be touched or moved,
except for his own honor (such as straightening the body if it is found
in an awkward position, or moving it if it has been found in environs
not considered sufficiently respectful). Some Orthodox Jews retain the
custom of placing the body on the floor approximately 20 minutes after
death and pouring water on the floor as a sign to friends and neighbors
that a death has occurred.
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A candle should be placed near the head of the deceased. According to
some customs many candles should be placed all around the person.
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A beautiful and moving custom calls upon relatives and friends to ask
forgiveness of the deceased, at this time, for any harm or discomfort
they might have caused him during his lifetime.
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The mirrors in the entire house are covered to deemphasize the beauty
and the ornamentation of the flesh at a time when, in the same house,
another person's body has begun to decay. Mirrors are covered also to
avoid personal vanity during moments of tragedy and to diminish the
usual over-concern with one's appearance. Another explanation of this
custom is that the image of God, reflected in the mirror, has been
diminished by the recent death. This subject is considered in greater
detail below.
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Psalms 23 and 91 are recited. (Click here for texts of these Psalms in Hebrew, transliteration and translation. For Commentary on these texts see The Funeral Service and The Processional and Burial below.)
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Personal behavior in the room of the deceased should be consonant
with the highest degree of respect for his person. There may be no
eating, drinking or smoking in his presence. Outside the room proper,
however, these are permitted. No derogatory remarks about the deceased
may be voiced, even though, objectively, they may be true. Discussion in
the room should concentrate solely on the deceased and his personal
qualities, or on the funeral arrangements. There should be no singing or
playing of music.
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The rabbi should be called. He will notify the Chevra Kadisha
(Burial Society) which will care for the remains. Then the funeral
director, who will arrange for the local attending doctor to provide the
medical certification of death and for the removal of the body, should
be called.
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From the moment of death until burial, the deceased may not be left
alone. Therefore, the family must arrange for a person called a shomer
(watcher) to be at his side at all times. While it is preferable for the
watcher to be a member of the family or a personal friend, this is not
always possible. In such cases, a person must be engaged to watch the
body and recite from the Book of Psalms. The rabbi or funeral director
will be able to make such arrangements for you, but the mourner should
ascertain clearly whether the watcher is reliable, for he must remain
awake and should recite Psalms all through the night.
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If death occurs on the Sabbath,
care should be taken not to light the candles near the deceased. Only
the most minimal arrangements may be made on the Sabbath, and these only
out of respect for the dead. The dead may not be removed on the Sabbath
by Jew or gentile. A watcher should be present during the Sabbath.
The funeral director is paid to serve you and your family, your religious sentiments and your wishes. He is certainly able to accommodate you in the observance of all traditional Jewish customs. There is no valid reason for him not to comply with your wishes. If you experience difficulty in this regard, consult competent rabbinic authority.
The Taharah
"As he came, so shall he go," says Ecclesiastes. Just as a newborn child is immediately washed and enters this world clean and pure, so he who departs this world must be cleansed and made pure through the religious ritual called taharah (purification).
The taharah is performed by the Chevra Kadisha (the Holy Society, i.e. the Burial Society), consisting of Jews who are knowledgeable in the area of traditional duties, and can display proper respect for the deceased. In addition to the physical cleansing and preparation of the body for burial, they also recite the required prayers asking Almighty G-d for forgiveness for any sins the deceased may have committed, and praying that the All-Merciful may guard him and grant him eternal peace. Membership in the Chevra Kadisha has always been considered a great communal honor bestowed only upon those who are truly pious. Non-Jews, under no circumstances, should perform these sacred tasks of preparing the body, for the ritual of taharah is by no means a merely hygienic performance. It is a Jewish religious act.
It is advisable that members of the immediate family absent themselves during the purification, for while their presence would constitute a symbol of respect, it is considered too painful for them to bear. The rabbi can arrange for this purification through the communal Chevra Kadisha or through the funeral director. The taharah is the age-old Jewish manner of showing respect for the dead. This is not merely "an old custom," or a "nice tradition," but is an absolute requirement of Jewish law.
It is tragic that fewer and fewer Jews appreciate the magnificence of serving on the Chevra Kadisha, let alone of using its services. In order to clarify the specific procedures of taharah that may be helpful to burial societies, there is a special chapter on the subject in the appendix.
Dressing the BodyJewish tradition recognizes the democracy of death. It therefore demands that all Jews be buried in the same type of garment. Wealthy or poor, all are equal before G-d, and that which determines their reward is not what they wear, but what they are. Nineteen hundred years ago, Rabbi Gamaliel instituted this practice so that the poor would not be shamed and the wealthy would not vie with each other in displaying the costliness of the burial clothes.
The clothes to be worn should be appropriate for one who is shortly to stand in judgment before G-d Almighty, Master of the universe and Creator of man. Therefore, they should be simple, handmade, perfectly clean, and white. These shrouds symbolize purity, simplicity, and dignity. Shrouds have no pockets. They, therefore, can carry no material wealth. Not a man's possessions but his soul is of importance. The burial society or funeral director has a ready supply of such shrouds available. If time must elapse before they can be obtained, the funeral should be delayed, as they are considered very important.
Shrouds may be made of muslin, cotton or linen. The rule of thumb is that one should not go to greater expense than the cost of linen, but a less expensive cloth may be used.
The deceased should then be wrapped in his tallit-regardless of whether or not it is expensive, or how new it is. One of the fringes should be cut. One who was not observant, and unaccustomed to wearing a tallit may, if so desired, be buried in one purchased specifically for this purpose. The family of the deceased should decide the matter in this case.
The Casket"For dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return" (Genesis 3:19), is the guiding principle in regard to the selection of caskets. The practice in Israel and in many parts of Europe has been to bury the deceased on a bed of intertwined reeds, in no casket at all, thus, literally, fulfilling the biblical prescription of returning the body to the bosom of the earth. The casket was used in ancient times either for purposes of honor, such as for the burial of a priest, or to avoid a horrible sight, such as when burying a person who was badly burned or maimed, or to avoid a public health hazard, as in the case of one who died of a contagious disease.
In this country, however, the dead are always buried in caskets. The type of casket purchased should not be determined by cost, and one should not worry excessively about how visitors will consider it. The following are the basic criteria:
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The coffin must be made completely of wood. The Bible tells us that Adam and Eve hid among the trees in the garden of Eden when they heard the Divine judgment for committing the first sin. Said Rabbi Levi:
"This was a sign for their descendants that, when they die and are
prepared to receive their reward, they should be placed in coffins made
of wood."
Another reason for the use of a wood coffin is so that the body and shroud should not decompose too much sooner than the coffin. The body, the cloth and the wood have comparable rates of deterioration. A metal casket would retard that process. "Unto dust shalt thou return."
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Caskets made with metal handles and nails theoretically may be used.
This satisfies both previously mentioned reasons for the use of wooden
caskets. There is a long-standing custom, however, one which is
subscribed to by a majority of Jews, which demands that only wooden pegs
be used. In funeral chapels these wooden-pegged caskets are called
"Orthodox."
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Casket interiors. Often, so-called "Orthodox" caskets are purchased
with the interior lined, and bedded, and pillowed, preparatory to
viewing the deceased-a totally objectionable procedure in truly Orthodox
belief and practice. Lined interiors are not considered proper. They,
like the embalming, suit-dressing and viewing which usually follow
violate the basic principles of the Jewish funeral. The interior adds
neither "comfort" nor dignity nor respect. It is only an artificial
appendage, unless designed for "viewing," and viewing the body is surely
not to be condoned religiously.
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Type of wood. It really makes no difference what style or quality of
wooden casket has been selected. Whether it is mahogany or pine,
polished or plain, is unimportant. Many insist on drilling holes at the
bottom of the casket to fulfill the "unto dust" requirement. This is
quite proper and should be encouraged.
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Earth from the Holy Land is frequently buried along with the
deceased. This is a touching and meaningful custom. Those who wish to
observe it should not be discouraged from doing so. The funeral director
can easily arrange for it.
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The casket does not have to be either costly or inexpensive. The
Sages did not consider the expense a barometer of honor to the dead. To
some it may be preferable to contribute monies to charity in memory of
the deceased, rather than purchase lavish caskets. The cost is a
personal matter, and should fit the budget of the survivors. The
essential requirement is that dignity should prevail.
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Ostentatious caskets are not in good taste. President Franklin Delano
Roosevelt left explicit instructions that "`the casket be of absolute
simplicity, dark wood, that the body be not embalmed, or
hermetically-sealed, and that the grave be not lined with brick, cement,
or stones." Likewise, while the remains of President John F. Kennedy
were conveyed in a bronze coffin, before explicit arrangements could be
made, his widow wisely decided that the President's spirit and life
demanded a simple coffin, and he was removed from the bronze coffin and
was interred in a wooden casket.
FlowersIn ancient days, the Talmud informs us, fragrant flowers and spices were used at the funeral to offset the odor of the decaying body. Today, this is no longer essential and they should not be used at Jewish funerals at all. In our days, they are used primarily at Christian funerals, and are considered to be a non-Jewish ritual custom which should be discouraged. It is much better to honor the deceased by making a contribution to a synagogue or hospital, or to a medical research association for the disease which afflicted the deceased. This method of tribute is more lasting and meaningful. However, if flowers are sent to the chapel, and the sender cannot be discouraged, the following procedure is recommended:
1. If the sender does not mind, they should be kept for the house of mourning. Failing this they should be placed at graveside, but not displayed during the service.
2. If the sender is so sensitive and the relationship so delicate that he will be offended, and these recommendations will cause insult or anger, and no alternative presents itself, it is preferable to accept them graciously and display them as intended, but not in an ostentatious manner.
Deuteronomy 21:23). Jewish law, therefore, demands that we bury the deceased within 24 hours following death.
The religious concept underlying this law is that man, made in the image of God, should be accorded the deepest respect. It is considered a matter of great shame and discourtesy to leave the deceased unburied--his soul has returned to God, but his body is left to linger in the land of the living. Even a Priest, on his way to enter the sanctuary on Yom Kippur, was commanded to render this honor of immediate burial even to a strange corpse, although he is normally forbidden to handle the remains. This is the proper honor that Jewish tradition accords those who die.
There is, secondarily, a psychological benefit to be derived from following the tradition. It becomes a matter of almost unbearable mental strain for the family to dwell for a long time in "the valley of the shadow of death." No one deserves to be subjected to the despair and anguish of being continually in the physical company of the deceased, no matter how deep his affection. As it is proper for the deceased to be buried without tarrying, so is it advisable for the family not to have to undergo the emotional pain of an unduly long delay.
Interring the dead may occasionally be delayed, but only for the honor of the dead. Thus, the rabbis allowed a delayed burial in the following cases:
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When the government requires delay, such as for the legal
transportation of the body, or for the completion of forms and papers,
or for post-mortem examinations which must be performed prior to burial.
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If delay is caused by having to wait for the delivery of shrouds or a proper casket.
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If close relatives have to come from great distances, and it is
considered an honor to the deceased for these relatives to be present.
There should be, however, no unduly long period of waiting such as the
common misconception of the permissibility of waiting three days would
imply. Also, the delay should be based not on arbitrary guesswork as to
when "most" people will attend, but on definite knowledge of the time of
the arrival of close relatives such as children or parents.
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If the eulogizing rabbi is delayed and the presence of this particular rabbi would be an honor to the deceased.
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Rather than to hold the funeral late on Friday afternoon, the funeral may be postponed until Sunday (because the Sabbath intervenes).
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On major festivals, Jewish law forbids Jews to inter their dead on
the first day of the holiday, but permits non-Jews to perform the burial
on that day. On the second day of such festivals it permits even Jews
to do the burying, but other than the actual interment, no other
violation of the sanctity of the day is permitted. Because conditions in
contemporary society are such that funerals on either day of the
festival invariably result in needless transgressions of the law, it is
preferable to postpone the funeral until after both days of the holiday.
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It is proper to perform the mitzvah of burial with dispatch; the earlier the better.
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For practical reasons, most persons will be able to attend the service, and will then be able to return to their own affairs.
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It will leave time for those mourners living far from the cemetery to
begin the mourning period before dark, and thus count this day as the
first day of shiva. (This subject will be treated in greater detail later.)
The Jewish Way in Death and Mourning by Rabbi Maurice Lamm. To purchase the book click here.© Copyright, all rights reserved. If you enjoyed this article, we encourage you to distribute it further, provided that you comply with Chabad.org's copyright policy.
Discussion (5)March 4, 2013Re: funeral at seaIn general, burial should be once they get to dry land unless there is a concern about the spread of disease, for more information about burial at sea, please see Is Interment at Sea Permitted According to Jewish Law?Yehuda Shurpin for Chabad.orgFebruary 25, 2013"The family should consult the rabbi before a time has been established, so as to determine his availability."
In communities, where still is an old fashion Chevre Kadisha it usually sets the timing so that the relatives can focus on mourning. It is extremely important to give time and space to onans (those whose relatives were not yet buried) and mourners. Personally I will be always thankful because there was a Chabad rabbi when it happened to us.Anonymous
FinlandFebruary 24, 2013Fast of Esther/ At SeaFuneral on Fast of Esther is a straight forward fact; thank you
The second question really has two parts:
(a) In the past, people were on lengthy ship voyages, w/o helicopter evacuation possible.Surely someone expired and a decision was made as to whether it was more respectful to bury at sea or to leave the remains for however many days until the ship landed and then a place for burial could be arranged. What is known about that situation?
(b) In different circumstances, a person dies on land and believes that "and to the dust you return" explains the natural recycling that G-d believed was proper for his earth. Therfore, a shrouded body, weighted with stones, dropped to the bottom of the ocean or sea is certainly going to decompose completely and return to the natural state from which it originally came - perhaps more so than a tombstone-crowded cemetery-particularly an eyesore when not maintained (and we can't always guarantee future maintenance). Please research and adviseTiming
Each immediate relative of the deceased is considered an onen from the moment he has learned of the death until the end of the interment, regardless of how much time has elapsed in between.
The onen is a person in deep distress, a person yanked out of normal life and abruptly catapulted into the midst of inexpressible grief. He is disoriented, his attitudes are disarranged, his emotions out of gear. The shock of death paralyzes his consciousness and blocks out all regular patterns of orderly thinking. "The deceased lies before him," as the sages said and, psychologically, he is reliving the moment of death every instant during this period.
In this state of mind, unfortunately, the mourner must make detailed and final arrangements with the funeral director, burial society, cemetery and rabbi. He must also notify friends and family. Yet, inwardly, his primary concern is with his own loss, the great gap created in his personal life and in the life of his family. Often, at this time, he is burdened with guilt for the moments of unhappiness he may have caused the deceased. The suddenness of his grief, the dismay at the news of death, leave him in a state of disbelief. It is simply inconceivable, impossible, that one who was just alive is now dead, cut off and gone.
Practically, then, the onen must make immediate and significant decisions based on the reality of death. Psychologically, however, he has not yet assimilated it or accepted it. These two elements, plus the need to act with respect and reverence in the presence of the deceased, are the fundamental principles of the laws governing the onen.
Who Is an Onen?
An onen is one who has lost a close relative for whom he is required to mourn. Those who are obligated to mourn, and to be mourned for, are:
1. Father
2. Mother
3. Brother (married or unmarried; on the father's or mother's side.)
4. Sister (married or unmarried; on the father's or mother's side).
5. Son.
6. Daughter
7. Spouse
Minor children. A boy under the age of thirteen, and a girl under the age of twelve--are not properly considered onenim (pl.), and they are not bound by the laws of mourning that take place after interment. They are required only to rend their clothes, as will be discussed later.
Suicides. In the case of true suicides, as determined by Jewish law, the laws of onen or mourning do not apply. The obligation for arrangements and care of the deceased, according to Jewish law, falls technically upon the whole community, and not solely upon the relatives. The relatives, thus, have neither the obligation to participate in the arrangements nor to pay special courtesies to the suicide. A suicide--for reasons other than insanity--is considered to have destroyed the image of God and to have deprived his family of his presence. By treating the suicide in this manner Judaism plainly expresses its abhorrence of such actions, and this has served as a deterrent. (However, the costs of suicide burial, in our day, are borne by the family.) The subject of suicides is treated in greater detail in a separate chapter below.
A relative is an onen only if:
1. He busies himself with some aspect of the funeral arrangements.
2. Even if he does not so concern himself, that he be in a position to do so should it become necessary. He is not considered an onen if there is absolutely no possibility of his participation in the arrangements.
Thus, he is not an onen if:
1. The deceased is not in the possession of his relatives, as when the government has not released the body to the family, or if he was drowned, or if he is missing in combat and cannot be found, although there may be certain knowledge of his death.
2. He could not physically be present at the funeral preparations because he is under military obligation, or is confined in a hospital or prison, or is overseas, or is in a city too distant from the funeral. If, however, there is the possibility that he might have arrived in time for the funeral service, he is considered an onen, providing no other immediate relatives were present during arrangements.
The onen is required to abide by the following rules:
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He may not eat in the presence of the body.
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He may not eat meat or drink wine or liquor any place.
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He may eat no festive meal or attend a party.
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He must deny himself the luxuries of self-adornment, of bathing for
pleasure, shaving, taking a haircut, and indulging in conjugal
relations.
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He may not conduct normal business during this time.
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He may not study Torah, as this is considered a source of enjoyment.
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All observances practiced by the mourner during shiva
devolve also upon the onen, except that he is permitted to wear shoes
and to leave the house in order to expedite the burial arrangements.
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Because of the need to make and conclude the funeral arrangements,
the onen is released from the obligations of prayer, and many other
specific positive observances, such as reciting the motzi over bread or
the grace after meals. He, therefore, cannot be included in a minyan.
While he is exempt from performing the positive commandments, he
remains part of society and must obey all the negative commands. Thus,
for example, while he need not recite a blessing over the washing of
hands before breaking bread, he must take care to wash and cleanse
himself properly. One is a positive commandment, the other a negative
rule of religiously sanctioned hygiene. The onen should not perform
commandments from which he is exempted. This would indicate a lack of
concern for the deceased, and the Rabbis insisted that there is no
virtue in this action.
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On the Sabbath
most laws that apply to the onen are cancelled. He is permitted meat
and wine and is obligated to perform all the mandatory Sabbath
observances. However, he must not participate in matters of private
enjoyment, such as conjugal relations and the delight that is reaped
from the study of the Torah. The onen should attend religious services.
Preferably he should not serve as reader or cantor. He should not recite
the Kaddish if other mourners are present, unless he has Yahrzeit or is in the midst of the year of mourning for one of his parents.
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If the burial must take place on the second day of the holiday (even
though, as mentioned above, burials should be strongly discouraged at
this time) aninut (the state of being an onen) goes into effect
immediately, even though it be a holiday. In such a case, the onen does
not recite the Kaddish, or eat meat or wine.
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On Succot the onen is not obligated to sit in the succah. If he desires to do so, he should not recite the blessing for that mitzvah. On the first night of Succot, however, seeing that burial cannot take place on the first day, he should recite the Kiddush and perform other observances connected with the holiday.
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On the first night of Passover, the onen should observe all the mitzvot of the Seder night. On Sefirah days, between Passover and Shavuot,
the onen should refrain from reciting the counting of the days with the
blessing, until immediately after burial. After the funeral, he may
count the days and recite the blessing.
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On Purim, the onen must listen to the reading of the Megillah, and is permitted to eat meat and wine in fulfillment of the religiously prescribed festive meal of the day.
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On Hanukkah,
the onen should have the candles lit for him, but the blessings recited
by someone else. If no one else is present, he should kindle the
candles himself without reciting the blessings.
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Tefillin:
The laying of the tefillin may not be performed on the day of death and
on the day of burial. This is not because of the general exemption from
positive obligations during the time of aninut, but rather because
tefillin is considered an object of beautification and ornamentation,
and this is inconsistent with the inner bitterness experienced by the
mourner so soon after the loss of his loved one.
1. Even if burial occurs on the day following death, or two days thereafter, tefillin are not donned during this entire period. One resumes the practice on the day after burial. Thus, also, if for some reason burial took place at night, the entire following day is considered unsuitable for wearing the tefillin.
2. If three or four days elapse between death and burial, then
a. If the mourner is personally involved in making arrangements for the funeral or interment, he does not don tefillin on any of these days, including the full day of burial.
3. If he received news of the death after interment already took place, but this was within thirty days of the time of burial, he may not wear the tefillin on the day the news arrived. If the news came at night, he refrains from wearing tefillin on the following day.
b. If the mourner is not involved in these matters, he then follows the laws of aninut: he does don tefillin on the day of death, but resumes wearing them immediately thereafter. On the day of interment he is prohibited from doing so before the time of burial, but upon returning from the funeral should promptly don them.
4. If the interment occurred during a holiday, or during the intermediary days (chol ha'moed) of Succot or Passover (when the mourning period begins later), there is no prohibition against the wearing of the tefillin (for those who normally put on tefillin during chol ha'moed).
5. Likewise, a groom who has suffered the death of a relative during the week immediately following the wedding, and whose mourning period begins later, should wear the tefillin during this week.
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During the last minutes of life no one in the presence of the
deceased may leave, excepting those whose emotions are uncontrollable,
or the physically ill. It is a matter of the greatest respect to watch
over a person as he passes from this world on to the next.
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If he owes any money, or if money is owed to him.
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